Words that would have struck fear into a schoolkid in my day when trying to get out of PE by using the "I forgot my kit" excuse. It was that or having to use the spare gym kit from the mysterious box that the teacher had - neither was a good option. How the hell we got here today will become clear, and it all started with Carlos Tevez in a football match on Tuesday evening.
Man City playing in the Champions League, the supposed pinnacle of football currently, and for whatever reason he was not starting the game but on the subs bench. When the manager decided it was time for him to come on, he pretty much refused to get up, and looked like he was having a right little strop. Immediately after the game he said he meant it, and then, I assume after his lawyer phoned him, he made a statement that it was all a big misunderstanding and that all he ever wanted to do was play for Man City all the time, for the rest of his life etc. Mancini the manager has said he will never play for Man City again, but obviously the final decision will rest with the owners of the club, and in many ways will be based on finances above any practical level.
If it was me in charge, I would put him in the reserves, fine him a weeks wages every time he did anything wrong, ban him from speaking to the media and let his career disappear. That is unlikely to happen, and I would assume that another club will be paying his wages shortly while he continues to act like he cares nothing for football or his or the clubs fans.
Sad thing is he is not the first player to behave like this, and more than likely won't be the last. It was only last year that in order to "negotiate" a wage rise for himself that hair transplant salesman Wayne Rooney told anyone who would listen he wanted to leave Man Utd, the massive wage rise changed his statement to one of being misunderstood and that he never actually wanted to leave. Luka Modric at Spurs, although never saying he wanted to go (or stay) at Tottenham during the summer has been rewarded with a rumoured weekly wage of £100,000 a week. I don't doubt any of these players ability, and as in any profession the vast majority of people will try for a pay rise where they can, but surely there has to be a better way to do this for players without pissing off the people who actually pay their wages, the fans.
Yes the mega money comes from the incoming billionaires, but for the vast majority the semi-mega-money is from TV and fans, but that is not the issue. At some stage the owners, directors and boards of football clubs have to put a stop to this practice, and the only way to do it is to show the players that they are not bigger than the clubs or the game. It is only the mega rich who can do this, so let's hope Man City make an example of Tevez, a slim hope it may be, but I have only seen or heard one person with any sympathy towards him today, so I think the vast majority want to see something happen.
If he is allowed to leave, and sign for another club, it is yet more proof that contracts in football are meaningless, which lead me down a thought process that what could be a good idea, and would make for even more coverage on Sky, would be for the managers to pick a different team each week. So every player registered at a Premier League club would make their way to Wembley on each Monday morning, and all the club managers would be there as well. Based on a random order of allocation, like Deal or No Deal, each week a different manager would pick first, and all take it in turns until they had their squad for the week.
So Steve Bruce would pick Rooney, Modric would be playing for Bolton and Lampard would be on Wigans bench one week, the next would see Redknapp being left with Darren Bent, Torres playing at Villa and Lampard on Wigans bench. Someone else can work out who actually pays who each week and where the medals go at the end of the season, but think of the opportunities. Fans would be able to buy new shirts every week with that weeks star players name on the back, players would never get the chance to be bored, all games would be sell outs as a different team would be there every week. It is coming together as the Golden Game isn't it.
This then lead to the vision of some of the players, more than likely Beckham, not having their kit and so having to play against Arsenal on Saturday in their pants and vest, thus completing the cycle of how my mind works on the train to work.
Monkey Tennis is so last year.